I suppose I should be doing as the Romans do, but I don't feel like it, so I'm going to write down a couple of thoughts while I pay close attention to a large group discussion...😏
I am beginning to think that the roller coaster of this winter kind of reflects how I feel my life is going. I have been facing new challenges, risen to challenges, then...slid really far down and ate my way through the winter holidays. Then, I returned to work, geared up, ready to go, and slowly fell downhill. The weather has done the same! It has been 72 degrees one day, 24 degrees the next. Like mother nature can't maintain a level head, I can't either.
Through the winter break, my caloric consumption should have masked all feelings of fear, frustration, uncertainty, and anxiety. Unfortunately, this solution was highly ineffective in tamping down those feelings, but did succeed in creating lovely new challenges when getting dressed. I didn't really think about how those feelings should be addressed because there are times when I tend to discuss things to death. I analyze, conjecture, reflect, discuss, argue, and really try to solve my problems, but wear people out in the process. Hence, the eating fills my mouth and prevents me from talking. The ideas continue to live in my mind, I don't over talk, and I can function, relatively speaking. I struggle to feel certain in my choices and want to just confirm my train of thought is going in the right direction through discussion. Anxiety is such an awesome disorder.
I have worked in the first 6 weeks to silence the fears I ate through, but where I found sure footed plans, the rug was pulled out from under my feet. I seemed to be causing trouble through trusting the wrong people, trying to explain my side of events that had happened. There are people who have been put in my life during this great time of change that have taught me SO much! I have learned I can't wallow, spew, or focus only on the negative. I can't boss karma around, she's a bitch and I can only what from the sidelines. This one person has brought humor out the kazoo to my days. I am so grateful for her friendship.
Kindness is the focus for this month at my job. There are "Hugs" being passed around in mailboxes, kind of like when you get "Boo-d" during Halloween in your neighborhood. I have zero expectation of being "hugged" but kindness doesn't die there. I am reading out to others, smiling, assisting, and being genuine. I've tried to pass along the humor from my friend to others. I will be kind. Did I mention that with the kindness comes sarcasm? LOL!
