Spring Break!

Ahhh, spring break is upon me!  I've taken the children to school the last three days, as I've been advised to do numerous years before, but never really listened to anyone.  This has been a very relaxing 3 days.  I get to read, watch t.v., do laundry, or just do nothing if I feel like it!  It has given me a moment to breathe.  I've had a moment to catch up on things.  I've had some time to reflect on life.  Actually, I probably shouldn't be allowed to have this much time to myself because I start thinking  ;-)

After a slight nervous breakdown on Sunday night, I've been attempting to comprehend why things happen for a reason.  In the middle of my snot and tears, I couldn't really understand why communication with people is so much harder than I imagined, or when someone feels frustrated with me, there isn't the direct conversation that I would expect there to be.  I've made some mistakes in the last month or so, leading to decreased communication between my family and me.  It's not that I was intentionally ignoring, it's just that, work sucks, I try, try, try, to stay on top of everything, but sometimes there are things that slip through the cracks.  Me responding about mother's day was one of them.  Did I realize this was sucha  big deal?  Did anyone attempt to say, "Hey!  Get your head out of your ass and communicate!"....no, I believe they were all waiting for me to do that....however, it didn't happen....leading to anger b/c I then sent out an evite for Blue Eyes' birthday party in May, to be held for logicstical reasons at my in-laws, no repsonse from my parents, and no communication about Easter.  So, I'm tried of being the adult, but my Dear told me it's not okay to act like a 2 year old, we already have Peanut to fill that position  :-)  I reached out, during a time when I knew the conversation had to be short, and got pretty much what I was expecting:  a guessing game on the phone with my mother as to why she was angry, illiciting terse responses from her.  I have not called her back, nor do I intend to until the 2 of May unless I hear from them before that. 

Being a wife, mother, teacher, friend, and chef leads to so many difficult decisions for how to balance everything.  I drop the kids off in the morning, around 7:30 at daycare.  I report to work, case manage 16 students, and their parents, while trying to maintain relationships with friends and family via email.  At 3:30, I leave to pick up my darlings, come home, shuffle in the door, snacks, dinner prep, outside time if it's nice, try not to leave the children unattended outside while I chop, sautee, defrost, what have you.  Don't get me wrong, there are days when it's rip open the box of lasagna and throw it in the oven.  Never the less, diner is served between 6 and 7, so that we can all eat together (which isn't really happening these days), before baths at about 7:30 - 7:45....bedtime stories, and finally, about 9 pm, the house is quiet.  That leaves Dear and I a few hot minutes to chat, watch t.v., and catch up on anything we haven't thought to say over dinner.  I tell you what, it leaves little to the imagination as to how I seem to let somethings fall through the cracks. 

I think the part that is the hardest is knowing that there isn't a way to convey this to anyone without sounding like I'm whining, or seeking some kind of pity.  I'm not excusing myself, just seeking to explain what I do on a daily basis, the lengths to which I'll work to try and communicate, but I often rely on others to frequently reach out....I'm lazy...what can i say. 

Now, onto the rest of my day.  I've looked at the calendar and realized that  a certain furry rabbit should be arriving on Sunday, for which I'm a WEEEEE bit unprepared....so off to fix that!

Cheers!

Communication with Aliens

As my darling Dear tries to convince me that I'm reading too much into a conversation with my parents, my brain is screaming not so much and I shot him a look to convey this.  I informed him that he was incorrect, that HEARD my mother's voice on the phone, not him, and I KNOW exactly what I heard from her, in the sighs, the tone, the short answers, the looking for an excuse not to attend the birthday party for Blue Eyes b/c it's at the in laws.  REALLY!? I've thought long and hard about calling them for the above mentioned reasons.  Guilt can be tranfered via phone lines I've decided, and this was one time when I was okay avoiding them.  I had survived just fine dealing with my own nonsense, without hearing crap from them!!!!!!!!!!!  Talking to them is like trying to determine if there are aliens that live on Mars...you could almost swear there are voices out there, I mean, didn't we all see ET?  Precisely...I believe those were my parents. 

I've given back what I knew was mine, and I know that I can't please all the people all of the time BUT........you know what I'm thinking...........

The end of Time....

I realized that I've not written down anything that has happened in the last week or so....I"m going to attempt to summarize:

      1. I got to meet my nephew!!!!
      2. I attempted to bake for my brother and sister in law, attempting to not overflow their small freezer space that had been filled by generous friends and family in the days prior to my visit.  there will be other visits and other times to bring food. 
     3.  I have learned that sweating from my eyebrows is my least favorite weird trait.  It annoys me very, very much and makes me feel like I'm a whackadoodle. 
     4.  There are only 6 more days until Spring Break, which can't come soon enough because I can't take working anymore right now.  The drama, the ridiculousness of people who claim to be adults is AWFUL! 
     5.  My medication journey is a rather lengthy road, with potholes of astronomical proportions.  I had to admit this morning that I felt like I could jump off a cliff without regret, sob in a corner until I found the cliff from which to jump, or just walk around aimlessly while awaiting the return call from the apothecary.  Did I hear the phone vibrate at 2:55 when she called....I believe that you already know the answer to that  :)
    6.  My oldest, Big Blue Eyes, is walking the fine line between tolerable and annoying.  I love him, I do, but right now, I don't like him at bedtime.  He's pushing buttons, limits, eardrums, and my sanity to the edge.  The whining, remembering everything that I have or haven't done for him; informing Dear that he is NOT the one to tuck him into bed or calm his fears; dancing around his room like a feather on the wind....any of it is enough to drive me batty.
    7.  I'm still watching AI courtesy of the dvr in our house b/c I can't seem to sit down at 8 pm, like other normal people b/c my family is crazy.  Thank God for the invention of the dvr, truly.  I might never watch TV if it weren't for this lovely invention.
    8.  Sleep tight and tomorrow will be lovely, right?  Work with me here, people.....it will.......