Evolution

I thought this title to be fitting based on the last couple of days.  I confronted the backstabber yesterday, calmly and with grace.  In a not so shocking explination, she had excuses for everything I said or asked.  I don't understand how someone can flip flop roles after maternity leave and not work collaboratively, which is something she used to complain about before being off for a year. 

My darling mother called last night to tell me that my great uncle had died.  This is ironic only b/c we had just found him again living in nursing home in Victoria, B.C.  He was suffering from severe dementia, so although we had located where he was living, there wasn't any contact made as it would've been only to sooth the anxiety of his relatives.  I burst out in tears nonetheless because I was upset that he died alone, not knowing his family had really located him.  After talking to my aunt, she said she had mailed him a box of toffee, a gift sent by her annually for a Christmas gift, hoping he would enjoy it and know that he was loved, especially since she signed it from the entire family.  I truly hope he is at peace and watching over all of us as one of God's Angels....

Just about 15 minutes ago, I took my youngest upstairs to tuck her in for a nap.  As the youngest, we haven't been as prompt moving her from the crib to a big girl bed.  She has demonstrated that she can climb out of her crib, but usually stays in her room, creating a palette on her floor and sleeping there.  Today, she took it a step forward, coming downstairs, claiming she didn't want to take a nap.  She's growing up so fast.  She is back upstairs, in her room, but I hear way to much noise for her to be napping.  I guess it'll be a bed purchase sooner rather than later.

So, it is that time brings about change, good, bad and indifferent.  It is through these changes that I continue to learn, be surprised, and know that others are growing too. 

Cheers!

10,000 Wishes

What matters most in life is family, friends and those who support you the most...it is my greatest wish that I'll always have a strong support system and surrounded by love.  After today, I am still floored when my faith in humanity is challenged.  If I really stopped, I'd probably break down and sob, but there is no time for that.  The years that I've spent in therapy have attempted to help me know how boundaries and appropriate tone of voice will increase positive communication.  As far as the facial expressions and other non-verbals, I've tried to keep those in check, but not so much...LOL!  I instead choose to go for the straight forward and honest approach, with tact and a little bit of grace.  To bitches who can't f'ing come close to this, find someone else to be your doormat, and QUIT stabbing me in the back. I've been through worse, I've survived easier situations, but in the end, my truth is plain and simple....and I know it comes through in my honesty and the true friends I have. I plan to continue to my journey to becoming a healthier person, which given my genetic heritage is going to be a constant struggle, and maintain peace in my life.  I will succeed no matter what because what goes around comes around, even if I'm not there to see the comeback.  Much to my chagrin in many cases........I'd like to possibly cause the comeback, the downfall, the crashing into reality, anything, but it's not my place.  So know that I'll perservere, survive, and you'll end up struggling, just when you thought you had it all.   

What a difference a day makes....

After enduring one of the worst nuclear meltdowns from both of my children yesterday, waking up to Cooper peeing ON TOP of the toilet this morning, saturating, oh the floor and bathmats, I knew it could only get better!  Although, I'd be remiss if I didn't remember to tell you the funny from Cooper last night. 

In the midst of the ever evolving meltdown that was yesterday evening, Cooper was grasping at straws for what to cry over.  He'd soaked me in anger after I made him take a shower, so I was left sitting on the floor of my bedroom trying to rationalize with him.  I was attempting to get him to put on pajamas....but in his mind, he wanted to know where I came from.  To answer that might have required me telling him how crazy my parents are, but I simply replied from Grammy and Granddaddy....When he burst into tears AGAIN, I was clueless.  He lunged forward, arms open, and said, "I missed you, Mommy, when you were in Grammy's tummy!!!"  Dave burst into laughter, to which Cooper was clueless, and tried not to laugh in his face by telling him that I hadn't even thought about having him when I was in her tummy............. Out of the mouths of babes, I tell you!

Today after peeing on top of the toilet, and attempting to sponge it up with a measly 6 squares of tp, I knew it was going to get better, right?  In some ways, yes, it was so much better.  The sun shone with all its might, warming everything, make my mood brighter.  A little drama at the end of the work day could've ruined it, but I wanted to make sure that the kiddos had a great afternoon with a mama in a good mood.  We stopped by a friend's house, so I got to chat with an adult and the kids played, with a few bumps, but overall, awesome.  I made a creamy chicken and wild rice soup for dinner, for Dear and me, but grilled cheese and tomato soup for them.  Harketh, the starving came to the table and ate!  It was great to see them enjoy their dinner, as well as Dear and me.  I'll make that soup again for sure!!!

Both are sleeping now, so I'm not much longer for this vertical position.  It's time for my eyes to search for light leaks behind my eyelids. 

Cheers!!!!

Listening Ears

I got to daycare to pick up Cooper today and his entire class was sitting on their carpet in silence.  I was told that the whole class was having "listening" problems.  What a shocker, in a room full of 16 4 - 5 year olds that they might get wound up and go bonkers? At the root of the problem for Cooper was that when one of his teachers asked him to use his listening ears, he replied no because he was ready to go home.  Alrighty then, I thought, not okay to say to a teacher, BUT, I can relate.  After apologizing to his teacher, he began promising to use his listening ears at school....think in this state of weakness I could also try for home?  That's a very funny, funny thought!!!

Meanwhile, I decided to compensate for not being there for Cooper by making a delicious dinner and dessert.  It was well worth the time spent in the kitchen, and my children and husband ate it!  That was like double bonus. 

Keeping my fingers crossed for a snow day tomorrow, or perhaps just a 2 hour delay.....

Cheers!!!

Ahhhh, the weekend

I've thought a lot about this weekend because I've been anticipating its arrival since it ended last Sunday  :)  I 've watched my children be angels and devils this week, which didn't fail to continue into yesterday and today.  For example, this morning Cooper wanted to play with a toy.  Payton was informed she needed to share, by Cooper, so he took it to demonstrate sharing.  Well, she wasn't so pleased with this directive, so she found a creative way to get him back.  Since he was playing with it on his lap, she proceeded to sit on top of the game which was on his lap.  She wouldn't move until she'd been properly asked, "Payton get off the toy, NOW, please.!"  I just stood in the kitchen and laughed.  How can I be mad at her for being creative? 

Patience

I believe that my patience for this week has run the *#*##% out!  It's the end of the kind of day I've dreamed of having since winter started, anticipating spring's arrival.  The kiddos and I were able to play outside with our favorite neighborhood friends, which really meant I got to flap my gums with an adult, someone other than my husband!  to tell you the truth, I believe I had more fun than the children.  Playdates are sometimes like that, more for the parents than the children.  Sometimes it's a bonus if the children are compatible, b/c my sanity is more important. 

Now, that things are summarized, I'm about to beat someone.  Not literally, but give me a wet noodle, and I'll whip them GOOD!  My husband has a hard time keeping his patience with the children; I find myself playing mediator, keeping the peace.  Inbetween all of this, I'm also cooking dinner, picking up fing toys, trying to make sure no one irritates Dear that he loses his temper, and clean up the kitchen.  Perhaps I've created this monster myself, but really, I don't think it's ALL my fault. Our son has always liked having me read him stories, and Dear never really purused changing this pattern because it meant he got to relax while I read to him.  If he tried, our son would throw fits, whine, and carry on and on and on...catch my drift?  Well, now it's 2 and a half years later, and I'm stuck with reading to him, while Dear gets the easy one!!!!  Then, I get the whining, clinging, bitching, and so forth when he's over tired and blah, blah, blahy.   It's rather cyclical and I don't know how I can change the cycle....Perhaps it's time to visit a funny farm? 

I really miss having a hot minute to myself.  I miss reading.  I miss doing things without being hunted by my children.  I miss hanging out with my Dear. 

Bitter, Party of 1 signing out.............ps: I really do love being a mom, but it's just one of those days...

One more ????

If you had to define a hero or an inspiration how would you explain them as being alike or different? 

Lessons Learned

Today was about learning lessons through indirect teachings.  I was talking to my husband over dinner and he asked if I had heard about the story about the teacher from Pennsylvania who was suspended because of the content of her blog.  I grimaced, knowing that in my moments of frustration I can spout off at the mouth, seeking an outlet, without considering the repercussions.  So, I decided to come and review any writings, and low and behold, I find that my youngest brother has left a comment here....about the teacher from PA.  Hmmm, perhaps a sign?  I might be the a little dense, but I can take a hint.....So here's to festive, fun reading and entertaining stories....

Every person has their own aura right?  Well, I believe this, and I believe that everyone has their own magnetic field....mine is draining things around me.  When I turn lights on at home, light bulbs keep burning out, and last night i left my care on accessory, listening to music in a parking lot, when, you guessed it, my battery died!  I feel drained from so much happening in life, it's funny how it's reflected in my external energy.  I need to find a refueling station somewhere.  Perhaps outer space has flights so that I can visit the milky way and find some quiet.

I think I'm still stuck on where the first amendment begins and ends, how blogs and so forth can be an expression of my day, thoughts, fears, loves, and so forth.  Why if someone has a blog does she get suspended for comments?  I read some of them, and well, they are a little below the belt, but they aren't within the context of the sentences of her story, so really, does it convey their true meaning?  I dont' think so, and if it was her blog, can't she have an area to vent and be creative? 

I see time has slipped away from me and it's almost time for sleeping.  I look forward to writing more tomorrow, and any comments you have about Pennsylvania....

Saint Valentine

Late in the evening of the best Hallmark holiday EVER created, the smell of fresh sugar cookies is wafting through the house, my feet are up, I'm arguing with my son who's on the stairs, and pretending that he isn't talking to me since he SHOULD be in bed.  My imagination fails to find humor in this moment, as I'd really like to just be alone with my Dear. 


I did recover enough to swing by the grocery store to pick up some items to make dinner tonight to show my <3 for my family.  Although the sauce wasn't perfect, the tast was spot on, even my kids ate it!  It was such a relief. 

I hope you've enjoyed your day with all the loves in your life and know to tell them every day that you love them, no matter what Hallmark says  :-)

Monday Blues on Sunday

If anyone has ever had anxiety, then you can totally agree with what I'm about to write.  My joy in returning to work is largely overshadowed by my anxiety about returning to that place.  I've had so little support this year, with leadership that doesn't support, guide or inspire, I've sought to find support in my peers.  I also don't even want to go to work, because there isn't any reward for showing up.  I've taken to baking rewards, from another blog I follow www.annies-eats.com, which pains my checkbook and my husband who finds the numbers in our account to be dwindling.  However, under this amount of stress and lack of support, I had to find something that was positive!!! 

The feeling that I might crawl out of my skin does not bode well for interacting with my family. The noise is amplified, the children (all 7 of them) are just bananas, and I'm just holding on to the edge of a cliff, hoping not to lose my marbles.  It makes for excellent times  :-)  I need to remember how awesome my weekend as been, visiting my brother and sister in law on Saturday, the park today, and family dinner with the in laws tonight.  See, life is great, just not work !

Ahhh, the family bed.....

Try as I might, I cannot seem to understand the fascination of sleeping in our bed versus their own.  I get that we have kickin' flannel sheets, but that's about it.....I like to move in my sleep, as does my husband, so WHY do they think it's comfortable to squish in between us?  Never mind their penchant for digging their feet under us, which leads to near death experiences for the children, as we aren't always wide awake when their assault begins  :-) 
After such a restful night's sleep, I'm pleased to say I'm up and at 'em, the washing machine is off balance, and I'm still sitting here typing....where is my focus today?  Apparently, not on the rather deafening noise from the basement. 

In the beginning.....

there came to be a blog, suggested by many, to document my attempts to parent, succeed at being a good wife, and deal with the outside stresses of life.  The title is how I view my life, as I sometimes think my family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.  they drive me bananas, support me at the most inconvenient times, and provide a great source from which to grow.  If I didn't take the time to pioneer through my growth, I'd sincerely doubt I'd have become wife and/or mother.  So, cheers, to starting this and hoping that you find humor along with in my everyday life  :-)