Ahhh, spring break is upon me! I've taken the children to school the last three days, as I've been advised to do numerous years before, but never really listened to anyone. This has been a very relaxing 3 days. I get to read, watch t.v., do laundry, or just do nothing if I feel like it! It has given me a moment to breathe. I've had a moment to catch up on things. I've had some time to reflect on life. Actually, I probably shouldn't be allowed to have this much time to myself because I start thinking ;-)
After a slight nervous breakdown on Sunday night, I've been attempting to comprehend why things happen for a reason. In the middle of my snot and tears, I couldn't really understand why communication with people is so much harder than I imagined, or when someone feels frustrated with me, there isn't the direct conversation that I would expect there to be. I've made some mistakes in the last month or so, leading to decreased communication between my family and me. It's not that I was intentionally ignoring, it's just that, work sucks, I try, try, try, to stay on top of everything, but sometimes there are things that slip through the cracks. Me responding about mother's day was one of them. Did I realize this was sucha big deal? Did anyone attempt to say, "Hey! Get your head out of your ass and communicate!"....no, I believe they were all waiting for me to do that....however, it didn't happen....leading to anger b/c I then sent out an evite for Blue Eyes' birthday party in May, to be held for logicstical reasons at my in-laws, no repsonse from my parents, and no communication about Easter. So, I'm tried of being the adult, but my Dear told me it's not okay to act like a 2 year old, we already have Peanut to fill that position :-) I reached out, during a time when I knew the conversation had to be short, and got pretty much what I was expecting: a guessing game on the phone with my mother as to why she was angry, illiciting terse responses from her. I have not called her back, nor do I intend to until the 2 of May unless I hear from them before that.
Being a wife, mother, teacher, friend, and chef leads to so many difficult decisions for how to balance everything. I drop the kids off in the morning, around 7:30 at daycare. I report to work, case manage 16 students, and their parents, while trying to maintain relationships with friends and family via email. At 3:30, I leave to pick up my darlings, come home, shuffle in the door, snacks, dinner prep, outside time if it's nice, try not to leave the children unattended outside while I chop, sautee, defrost, what have you. Don't get me wrong, there are days when it's rip open the box of lasagna and throw it in the oven. Never the less, diner is served between 6 and 7, so that we can all eat together (which isn't really happening these days), before baths at about 7:30 - 7:45....bedtime stories, and finally, about 9 pm, the house is quiet. That leaves Dear and I a few hot minutes to chat, watch t.v., and catch up on anything we haven't thought to say over dinner. I tell you what, it leaves little to the imagination as to how I seem to let somethings fall through the cracks.
I think the part that is the hardest is knowing that there isn't a way to convey this to anyone without sounding like I'm whining, or seeking some kind of pity. I'm not excusing myself, just seeking to explain what I do on a daily basis, the lengths to which I'll work to try and communicate, but I often rely on others to frequently reach out....I'm lazy...what can i say.
Now, onto the rest of my day. I've looked at the calendar and realized that a certain furry rabbit should be arriving on Sunday, for which I'm a WEEEEE bit unprepared....so off to fix that!
Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment