Bubble

Actually, I think I should have titled this post "Helicopter" because as I drove home from the beach yesterday and traffic sucked, I wished I could have just flown above it all, landing at home.  It would have saved hearing "Moooom, Peanut looked at me funny!"  or "Mom, C won't share the movies with me so I can pick which one I want next....".  There were others that I might have blocked from my memory since they elicited the same response, "Work it out please, I'm trying to focus on the brake lights in front of me."  Since a helicopter and landing pad weren't available for my use, after 6 arduous hours, the trip ended with a joyous arrival at home.  Dear arrived shortly thereafter, which meant I was finally free of my two shadows, if but for a moment.  I think I used that short break to actually pee all by myself. 

While at the beach, I was in a bubble.  I was able to begin to heal from the surgery and enjoy laughing with my darling children.  I realized that discussing all of the events makes people uncertain for how they want to support Dear and me.  I might have whined that my family members hadn't addressed it with me, but really, what was I thinking?  What could I expect them to say?  Did they have the magic wand to turn back the hands of time and erase the events?  No, they surely didn't, but I think I was harboring thoughts that they might, which made the reality a huge let down.  They offered what the could: love, kindness, support, and ears, even if they didn't know what to say.  I am grateful for the support they gave and will continue to give me as time progresses.

Returning from the beach, there isn't a bubble in which to live.  I must see my beloved friends, enjoy their company, and be the social butterfly I strive to be...lol!  I fear this more than I can say.  I fear seeing the sadness in their facial expressions, the hug that lasts just a little to long, the phrase "I hope you are doing okay" whispered in my ear, the gentle touch....all endearing but frightening at the same time.  I fear I will appear aloof or standoffish, so I will work my very best to not be that way.  I will smile, I will laugh, I will enjoy a night out with Dear, while his cousin watches the children.  It just might feel awkward, but maybe only as awkward as I let feel.  I have the strength to do this.  Honestly, though I'm tying this as my husband is at a friend's daughter's birthday party, because I couldn't see people yet.  I didn't have the strength to face it just yet.  I will though. 

Time stands still for no one, which means I have laundry to do, beds to remake and a house that has been in the care of Dear for a week. 

xoxoxoxo