Gratitude

Gratitude: the state of being grateful; Grateful:showing appreciation, being thankful

These two adjectives aptly describe my feelings yesterday as I read all of the comments from friends, near and far, after my novella.  Hearing from so many about their own personal struggles has helped me know I am not alone in my grieving and will learn to have the strength to come out on the other side of this a stronger woman. 

There is but one question that remains.  At what point do you, hmmmm, cut your losses, so to speak, and stop trying.  If the decision is made to move forward, will the empty place felt by previous losses heal?  Will the family feel complete?  If you try again, when does the fear release from your heart?  I sense that it if there is another attempt, it might be in the delivery room that all is finally put to ease. 

At the beach life is relaxing and an excellent change of venue.  My darling children are wound up tighter than tops about going to the beach each morning.  Yesterday was not what they had in mind since the beach house lost power for no explainable reason, which made cooking and or going into a fridge to pack for a beach trip not feasible.  Down into town was the best option, so we stopped for lunch then made it to the outlet mall.  I usually enjoy going to the outlet malls.  There is a Polo, a Gymboree, and some outdoor space.  I neglected to consider how fast I shop with 2 children in tow versus the other 4 adults, who like to stroll, window shop, waltz into a store, meander through the aisle.........while I create bald spots in my head trying to keep my kiddos out of the rounders and from sprinting up and down the same ailes my family members are strolling through.  I bribed them with bubbles and pajamas from Gymboree, which was a great idea, but failed to sustain attention.  As I power walked with them to another store, harketh, there was a clown making balloon animals.  It was as if the Gods had heard my cries for help and provided a solution.  That lasted for about 10 minutes.  The Peanut decided to abscond with her brother's sword, which brought about WHINING from him, which made me sound JUST like my mother: "I WILL take you to the car if you don't stop RIGHT NOW.  Am I CLEAR?!"  At the conclusion of the trip, I strapped them into their seats, turned on a movie, and hit the road in my minivan like I stole it.  It was time to let them run free, and not at an outlet mall. 

Power has been my friend this morning, but it's beach it time.  I need them to be outside, running wild and free, not in my hair.  I love them.  I just need a breather.  My sister and BIL have offered to take them to the beach for a moment, so I can be alone.  I accepted their offer with great joy.  I have a book that is crying to be opened and read.